Demarai Gray has revealed he suffered breakdowns during the final two years of his Leicester City career with a lack of game-time impacting his mental health. That period took a toll on Gray’s mental health. He said he felt hollow during training sessions, and that while he was there physically, he was not present mentally.
Demarai Gray said: “Mental health is a real thing and men are probably more reluctant to speak out, especially in football. It’s something I’ve dealt with for a long time and if I look back now it’s something I’d say affected my football as well, probably for two seasons. I’d suffer breakdowns. You hit the point where inside you feel like you’ve got nothing left mentally. Going to training, getting through sessions like I’m not even there. I’m there, obviously, but it’s like I’m not present. My mind is elsewhere. It’s silly to think but I’d say to my mum: ‘I don’t know if I want to play football anymore.’ All I know is playing. My mum took me to football from the age of three to 16. Never late, I did things properly, trained properly, never had a bad attitude and I took that into my professional career. So when I’m doing that but not getting opportunities and this is going on for a couple of years, you don’t feel like you’re ever going to get a chance, so what’s the point? Because, realistically, it could happen again (elsewhere). I could come across another manager who doesn’t fancy me. That’s when I fell out of love with football for a bit. It was the first time I wasn’t playing, so it was new to me and I was like: ‘What is this? I’m not here for this. I don’t want to do that.’”
Gray admitted that he would “look for other distractions” without the release of playing and went out with friends “more than I should”. But after leaving City in January 2021 for Bayer Leverkusen, and then returning to England that summer with Everton, Gray now says he is “genuinely happy”.
Demarai Gray said: “Why was I that low? Why was I thinking that way? Why did I let that situation consume me so much? I’m proud of myself, of how I’ve grown as a person and how I’ve come out of situations. For the first time in a long time, I’m genuinely happy and back feeling myself, playing like myself. The last few years have been up and down but I don’t regret anything and wouldn’t change it.”
